Sunday, 6 May 2012

Still Searching.

The turmoil returns again, it tears up my very being. I dither between reality and imagination. What is happening around me is reality but my imagination of the reality, is itreal or just a story made by my restless mind? I get a sock in the face whenever I confront it, don't want to believe what I imagine to be true. Return to practical reasonable thought and be what I am in normal circumstances.But reason fails and once again the soul is tormented. Is it coincidental or just a natural progression of events, I will never know. I try to find answers in the sequence of occurrences. The turn of events shatter self belief.

The bonds we share the relations built over time, will they all come to naught? They will, of course in the end when we leave the body. One hears of soul mates and marriages made in Heaven, all ordained by some higher being. Do we then have no say in the events because it was already written by 'the moving finger' which 'having writ moves on'. And we are left to transcribe and play out what it wrote, helpless in the face of  circumstances over which we have no control.

Why does this turmoil continue to torment my soul? I try to find the answers but sometimes reason becomes unreasonable, as I watch what happens around me. And does the entire responsibility rest with me? I don't know but I am determined to find the answer, I may not, this I am aware of . It requires calmness of mind and now the mind is not of this, it requires reasonable thought but the reigns of the mind have been let loose and thoughts gallop so fast that control becomes impossible.There has to be clarity but a fog of emotions surround me, clear thinking recedes. It will come back soon but the turmoil shall return too. Memories will erupt from the depths of brain and conscious thought will wrestle with reason once again.

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